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Being at the age where I am at right now which is 23, I often look back at my younger self and wish I could tell her some things to help her feel better.
I often compare the two, my younger self versus my 23 year old self and I can’t help but feel happy. I feel happiness and warmth when I compare the two, when I compare the life of my younger self and the life I am living now…
Although sometimes I truly feel as if nothing has changed in my life and that I haven’t changed or matured as much, taking a deep look into my past and really comparing my past self and my present self has made the difference between the two really clear for me.
I now see how much I’ve evolved as a person. How much I’ve worked on my self into becoming better. How much things I’ve accomplished that I thought I’d never be able to do. How much life has gotten better through the ups and downs.
There’s been a time where I would feel disappointed in my self everyday because I felt like I didn’t accomplish anything. I also often times felt like I didn’t improve on my self enough. However when I look back and remember my past self that’s when I start to appreciate my present self more because I start to realize how much I’ve changed for the better and how much life has gotten better because of that.
To sum things up, every so often I notice things that are part of my life now that I thought I would never have and with that I created a list mentally of all the things I wish I could tell my younger self. Things that will help my younger self feel less worried about her future.
#1: “You will be okay even with divorced parents”
Having divorced parents is something that a lot of people struggle with. It’s something that can be hard to deal with especially when you’re younger and you think having divorced parents is the most horrible thing in the world.
When my parents separated I was around 4 years old and I didn’t really understand what was going on. I just knew that my mom and dad weren’t living together anymore and all I could remember was trying to figure out why that is.
As I got a bit older maybe during the years right before middle school, I started to feel more angry towards the situation. Especially because my dad had another kid with a different woman and I got to see him experience a childhood that involved two parents meanwhile I was going back and forth between mine.
During my childhood I really felt like I was missing out and experiencing life that is different from most kids. I would see my friends go on family vacations with both parents and it just looked like the most beautiful thing to me since I didn’t have that.
My dad had the money to go to places and so whenever I did want to do something fun it would be with him and his new wife and kid. Therefore the times that were suppose to be fun was not for me because it was things I couldn’t experience with both parents.
Most of my childhood before middle school consisted of feeling sad and being resentful for not having happily married parents and instead having parents who hated and fought with each other whenever they see each other.
But growing up I started realizing more and more that this was one of the best outcomes that could’ve happened in my life. My life would had been completely different if my parents forced themselves to stay together. My life growing up would have been a life and a childhood that consisted of witnessing toxic parents fight with each other every single day.
This would’ve caused some damage to my self because I would’ve started to think that it is okay to force yourself in situations that don’t make you happy.
With how things turned out, I’ve learned that forcing yourself in situations that don’t make you happy just puts you on an endless cycle of being unhappy.
With that being said, one of the things I would tell my younger self is that “You will be okay even with having divorced parents. Your life will turn out just fine and most importantly it will teach you how a relationship should work” because I really did learn that.
Without experiencing a toxic relationship, I wouldn’t have learned that it is something that I don’t want in life. It was what lead me to finding a good relationship. It is what taught me how I should be in a relationship. A relationship that is happy and filled with happiness and unconditional love.
And speaking of that the next thing I would tell my younger self is …
#2: “You will find true love”
Experiencing a toxic relationship between my own parents had made me scared of getting into a relationship.
When I was young I guess I just had that little kid mindset that every relationship is like this. Every relationship is like what my parents had that involved endless fights, betrayal, dishonesty and unfaithfulness.
But then in middle school and in high school, I would watch the classic rom coms of course and see a different version of relationships and like every other teenager this was something I wanted. A relationship that seemed truly amazing just like the movies.
B*tch I wanted to be like sam and austin in the cinderella story movie. I wanted to allie and noah from the notebook. I wanted to freaking be bella and edward or maybe bella and jake from twilight like hello I wanted that.
But I just didn’t believe those love stories. I didn’t believe that there was love like that in real life because of the real relationships I’ve seen in real life.
I wanted a relationship so bad but was so worried for that day to actually come. The day where I gain genuine feelings for someone to a point where a relationship would form. I was worried because I believed that if I ever got involved in a relationship with someone there’s a possibility of me getting extremely hurt and betrayed. A possibly that my love for someone will turn into hate…
This changed when I got into my first relationship in sophomore year of high school.
Before getting into this relationship I was super scared and hesitant. However I couldn’t help the way I felt and started a relationship with a boy regardless of how I felt. With that, the beginning of my relationship was something I’ve seen from the movies (yay!) but as it started to get more serious, my fears got the best of me which lead me to having major insecurity and jealousy issues.
This relationship was so different from my parents. It was good. He is different from my dad and is honest, patient, loving and loyal to me but yet there was still issues because of my own personal issues that I was projecting onto him and onto this relationship. With this I was certain that the boy I truly loved and cared about would leave me because it was that moment I realized that maybe it’s not the boy that’s going to ruin this for me. That’s going to ruin love for me but it’s going to be me. It’s going to me that will ruin this relationship because of the fears I still hold on to from when I was young and because of the issues I still need to work on.
But he stayed and almost 8 years later he is still with me. The relationship lasted up until this very moment. Something I was so scared of is the biggest part of my life now.
I’ve learned a new definition of love. Where things don’t have to be perfect nor do they have to be toxic. Simply it’s about working on yourself to be better and to be with someone who will stick with you while you do that.
And so I would tell my younger self that “you don’t ever have to worry if you will be able to find someone who truly loves you and you don’t have to worry about getting hurt because not every relationship is the same. Every boy is not the same and you will find your person”.
#3: “You’re capable of anything, ignore what others have to say or think”
Growing up and even till this day I had struggled with feeling like I am not capable of doing anything especially things I truly want to do.
It was a feeling and a belief of mine that I felt like has gotten stronger and stronger as I grew up.
Since a young age, I was just a person that always cared about what others thought of me and if anything negative was said to me even if it was a joke, it would change the way I view my self. Leading me to being afraid of doing things in life such as getting a job, starting new hobbies, learning new things, starting new chapters in life etc…
I just believed that I was not good enough to do those things and believed that I wasn’t capable.
There was a time in high school where I genuinely thought I wasn’t going to be able to graduate and that going to college/university was something that seemed far out of reach for me. I was struggling with school in the beginning and so I was super worried about not being able to fulfill the certain goals I had during the time.
Fast forward to when high school finished, I did graduate. I was on honour roll. I got accepted to every school I wanted to go to. I worked jobs I thought I wasn’t capable of. I worked in the health care industry (something I thought I was too dumb for).
Growing up I’ve learned that there’s nothing I am not capable of doing. There are just things that I am unfamiliar with and just because it is unfamiliar to me, that doesn’t mean I am not capable. When doing anything in life you have to learn. You will be clueless at the beginning and with practice and with showing up, you will gain confidence and knowledge. There is nothing you are not capable of doing.
And so what I would tell my younger self is that “there’s nothing in this world that you can not do. Do whatever it is you want to do and walk in it with full confidence because you’re capable. Regardless of how lost, confused and doubtful you may be at the beginning, keep showing up. Keep going and improving and you will see a different version of yourself. A version of you that you thought you would never see. A version of you who is confident and a version of you that knows that you are capable of anything”.
#4: “Always be grateful of where you are and don’t rush things”
Always finding things to be grateful for is something that I’ve been practising for the past year or so and it’s something that has truly transformed the way I am. It has transformed me in the way I can always bounce back from a bad day and continue living life everyday in a positive mood and mindset.
It’s funny because I would read quotes and hear people say that the key to happiness is to be grateful and to be more positive and I thought I knew what it truly meant but it wasn’t till recently I started really understanding this.
Growing up I feel like I found more things to complain about than to be grateful about. I guess when you’re a kid it’s understandable because you just wish you could have everything and it’s easy to want things that your friends or classmates might have that you don’t. However even when I got older, I never really appreciated the things I already had. I thought I was being appreciative and I thought I was being grateful because of the fact I knew that there are people who would wish for the things I have in my life but I still was putting all my energy onto the things I want instead of putting all my energy into being grateful for what I already have.
I remember in middle school wanting a job so bad and waiting and waiting for the day I turn 16 so I can get my first job to earn my own money but as I got older I realized I should’ve been more grateful at the fact that I was a kid that didn’t have any responsibilities. I had the rest of my life to work, my 12/13 year old self shouldn’t have been rushing to do something that I was going to do for the rest of my life (which is working). I should’ve been grateful for the time where I was free to be a kid. Free from any stress, work problems, life problems etc…
I wanted to be a teenager so bad at times because I believed they are more free to do anything they want but I should’ve enjoyed and really experienced the greatness of being a kid.
Many times in our life we want to press the fast forward button to get to where we want to be where it’s “better” but once that day actually comes we realize we didn’t appreciate how our life was in the past that much because we were so focussed on the future instead of living in the present.
I am grateful that almost everyday in my during middle school I stayed after school with friends for hours upon hours just playing and talking because those remain one of the best memories for me. I am sad that not everyone experienced that for many different reasons.
When I got older I’ve realized that no matter what you do, whether you get a job or whether you are unemployed, you will feel unsatisfied and complain that either you’re working too much or not working at all. Life get’s so unhappy when all you do is find things to complain about rather than find things to be grateful about.
I’ve experienced moments where I was unemployed and I got really sad and I also experienced times where I found a new job but then I also felt sad. Now that I am unemployed again because I am now chasing what I truly want to do, sometimes I get emotional because sometimes I feel stuck but this time I am really learning how to be grateful for how my life is right now instead of looking for things to complain about.
I am grateful to have all time to chase what I truly want in life instead of doing things that are making me unhappy.
I would tell my younger self to “stop worrying and to stop rushing in order to get the things she wanted because they will come.Right now just enjoy where you are at now and how your life is. Enjoy the present day because you can’t get that back”.
#5: “if something is removed from your life, it happened for a reason. Keep moving forward”
Whether it is friendships, jobs or hobbies, there is no time to do be doing these things anymore if it makes you unhappy.
This is something I feel like I’ve always known. I always tried to make sure if something didn’t make me happy anymore than I need to listen to that. I need to listen to my gut and find a way out of that situation and thankfully by knowing this for majority of my life, I got out of situations that no longer served me.
However, I can’t say that it was easy and that sometimes I didn’t feel like I made the wrong decision because I did feel that way. But now, after realizing that things that finds its way out of your life is for a reason, I no longer feel unhappy about certain decisions I made.
In high school I ended many friendships that were friendships that lasted for many years, I walked away from them not knowing if things would be okay after but I did them because it felt right. A few years later I wonder if I had done the right thing. Sometimes I even felt like I did the wrong thing by leaving certain friendships. I thought that maybe I should have given those friendships another chance but then I see where my life is now and I know for a fact that my life wouldn’t be the way it is right now if I had forced to keep those friendships.
I wouldn’t have met the friends that are just like me. I would have experienced high school way different because I would’ve experienced it with the wrong people and I am not saying putting all the blame onto those people of why the friendships didn’t work for me but I am simply saying that everyone is different. Everyone has a group or a few friends on this planet that they are meant to friends with, friends that are like soul mates but in a friendship form and I simply think I wouldn’t have found those kind of friendships without leaving my old ones behind.
Just like how I regretted at times the certain friendships I ended, I felt the same way about jobs.
There’s certain jobs that I removed from my life because of the fact that it didn’t make me happy anymore and I sometimes think about those decisions. I think about whether it was the right decision and I sometimes think maybe I could’ve tried a little more to make it work. But again just like the friendships I had ended, without leaving these certain jobs that didn’t make me happy anymore it wouldn’t have led me to where I am at now. Now I am doing things that make me happy and that always made me happy but just never pursued because I prioritized pursuing things that look good to other people.
And so what I would tell my younger self is that “certain things will come and go in your life and it’s important to know that things will be okay. At times your going to feel confused and wonder if the certain choices you made in your life were right or wrong but no matter what, things that find it’s way out of your life happens for a reason and the older you get the more you’re going to start understanding why these things happened. So keep following your heart. Keep trusting your gut. Keep doing what makes you happy because that’s all that matters. Not everything needs to make sense right now, they will one day”.
